There are a billion worse things than that, but I thought, "not a good day." as I say that to myself, I start thinking about how pitiful that thought process was. I thought about all that I am thankful for, all that I have received without being worthy and about Kate Krull. For those of you who know about the Krull family, you understand. Kate's 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with Medullablastoma 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago, her life changed forever. She would probably give her own life to wake up one morning and the roughest part of her day be that she stepped on her glasses. I soon realized; yes I had forgotten, that today was Ash Wednesday. I may have skipped Ash Wednesday quite often in the past years. But this year, I knew it was time for a change. I am not super religious, vocally. I'm pretty quiet in my prayers and relationship with God. My husband and I are a lot the same in that. I was refreshed tonight to hear the gospel. "our faith" teaches us to pray quietly and privately. Which may be the reason I feel the way I do about not surrounding myself with vocally religious people. I felt as though God was speaking to me. He took the time to say, "Kim, it's ok that you choose to worship privately". Well, since God went out of he way to speak to me in a room full of people, I thought it was time for me to change. He obviously likes me more than all the other people in church right now :). Totally kidding,but it resonated with me. I am religious, I talked to God more than my husband is even aware of, but I do not serve him. I don't know that I would feel his comfort in times of darkness. I just feel fear, in fact, for some reason I have chosen to live in fear. My life has been blessed beyond explanation. However, I am scared to death when I lay my baby to sleep, when I go on long road trips, fly in an airplane, heck, when I am walking to the mailbox! So today as I was in church, I prayed for Kate and Erik, I prayed for every inch of of my child's body to be healthy, my family, my friends and I begged for strength. I am weak in many ways. I need to trust that God has my back. I NEED to live this way so that I no longer live in fear and I NEVER see waking up in the morning and stepping on my glasses as the detriment to this entire day that God has chosen to give me here on earth. Ok, so this was not privately praying, but I felt like I needed to get that out as I begin this journey of journaling! You now know my secrets!
No comments:
Post a Comment